The Full and Lonely Fridge.

I went shopping two days ago. Or was it last night? I went to the grocery store, and I bought food for a family of three (plus dog) to last two weeks or more. I stocked up. I took two hours. I clipped my coupons, checked the online site, and took off. I saved $70 on our bill. I bought some new things to try with AJ. I looked forward to cooking.

Aaron will be on a plane Sunday, headed towards Walter Reed for appointments and eventually surgery.

AJ and I will be eating all the fresh food up alone and freezing what we can before we follow our warrior in about a week. I hope to be there for surgery.

You think, "He's home safe. He's on American soil, and he's mine forever! We can live like retired people, but raise our kid to be around both parents everyday even if it makes her weird! I don't care! I got top prize. He's home, he has his mind, the important parts of his body, and he's not angry! My funny, sweet guy with shitty memory is here and that's all I need!"

In the Army, you get used to long absences, short notice missions, and the like. You expect it. You know it's what you signed up for, right? And when you're done, you're done!

Not when war comes home with him. Not when we experience the consequences of 09..07.11 every single damn day, and some days are worse than others.

Earlier this week, he couldn't go more than a few minutes without flinching and his legs spasming. It only went on a day or two before he took off for the VA. CT scan, morphine, we'll call with the results.

He has neuromas on both sciatic nerves. It's a special kind of neuroma, reserved for above-knee amputees. And since he has two of those, I guess he gets two of them, too.

It just sucks.

I just booked tickets to Houston to see the family of a very dear friend who is not alive anymore. I named my kid after him and it's time for his family, who is already close to my heart, to meet her. Adjustments will be made.

I just filled my fridge with fresh meat and veggies and fruit. I bought milk and juice and all those things.

Aaron is on morphine and in pain and relativity useless. He hates it more than I do. He's dozing on the couch right now, exhausted from just being awake.

It just sucks.

And what I want is that life where we are done with the military and war and don't pay for it every day. Where we don't have to freeze everything in the fridge and eat up the fresh stuff since we might not be here.

We almost never know how it's gonna go when he wakes up winching in pain.

We can build a mansion. We can have a place to call home. We can have kids, and sign up for activities, and do all that shit people with families do.

It doesn't matter.

War comes home and it never leaves.

It even leaves you crying in front of a full refrigerator.